I forgive you, but it’s not okay

Being in relationships with other humans, whether those relationships are romantic or otherwise, inherently puts you at risk of being hurt, and of hurting others. The more intimate the relationship — the more vulnerability the participants have invested in it— the greater the risk.

In short: we hurt each other. It sucks, but it’s the cost of doing business.

The healthiness of a relationship is measurable, at least in part, by how free the participants feel to express their hurt, to seek redress, to offer redress, to forgive. But this stuff is, in a…